I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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