You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am naked and annoyed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
