dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
