Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
