evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize