I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
