Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
