If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize