Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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