dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
