I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
