a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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