I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will be naked everywhere
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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