i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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