I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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