please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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