I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
