I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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