i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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