So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He shit in the fireplace
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
