Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
