38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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