No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
