She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
