Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
