can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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