So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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