If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
