my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
