i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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