Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
