Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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