I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
