you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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