I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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