oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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