If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
