bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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