Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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