So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
