those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize