it hurts more in the daytime
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
