and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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