didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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