he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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