she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
