I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
