Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
