I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
