Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
