Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i love accidental penises.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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