I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
