Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
