Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
