girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
