She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
