i think my tv is drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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