I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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