I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize