Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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