So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
