smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
