Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
