I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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