The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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