I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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