apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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