Screwed.edu
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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