meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
