if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
