I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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