pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
