i permit you to call me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
