walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
