??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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