i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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