So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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