My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
