There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
