So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
