I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
