We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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