Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
birth control should be required to get into college
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
