that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
