So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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