hell yes lets make some ravioli
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
