The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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