I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
