I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
