dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
