Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize