My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
