I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
