highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
