I bet he comes in French.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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