I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
