Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
