I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
In America we eat man semen.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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