Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
