i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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