Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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