Someone shit on the floor
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
