Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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