there was a trapeze. enough said
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
