Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize