I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
