She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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