his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize